My mom was in town this weekend for the festivities and today, while the kids were at school, we got to have lunch together and spend a good amount of time talking. It was really nice. When you have kids, your relationship changes with your mom. She’s now a grandmother and you are a mom which equals= busy, busy, busy. Everyone’s focus is on the youngins’. So when they are gone for a moment, you catch your breath and say “where were we 8 years ago?” Oh yeah, let’s pick up from there…
We talked about all sorts of stuff. Aging, spirituality, art, family, politics; you name it.
It doesn’t happen enough.
This weekend, I was telling her how unhappy I have become with my current work. How rushed, sloppy, uninspired I’ve begun to feel. She helped me put everything back into perspective.
My mom said “Wasn’t this whole 365 about being creative everyday? Why does it have to be about production? Shouldn’t you be feeling creative, inspired even?
It’s a very good question. When I look at the past month of posts, there is a lot of complaining and lack of inspiration. That is not what I wanted from this. I want to LOVE what I’m doing and share my excitement about it.
So I am at an impasse. Continue to produce a piece of art every single day, or be creative every single day?
I am going to choose to BE creative.
What does that mean? I will create something everyday, but I am going to take my time, focus on quality –not quantity, make sure there is intent, composition, I want to manifest my best, not just make sure I have something to post for the day.
So you may see a few subtle changes. You may see the occasional unfinished painting. You may have to wait a day or two to see it unfold, but when I am finished with it, I’m going to feel good about it. I am going to have something to tell you that will hopefully be a bit more insightful because I’ve allowed myself a moment to reflect.
I will BE CREATIVE MARY gosh darn it!
My paradigm has definitely shifted.
I am learning that I don’t really like to create small, I like to create big. I want to create something a little more complex than what I can finish in a 4-6 hour time frame.
And other days I may feel like working small, or creating jewelry, or helping a friend design a garden, or teaching art, or tattooing my eyeballs….yeah, that’s right tattooing my eyeballs…. :)
Mentally, I’ve created my own jail cell, and I’m stepping out of it.
Every day, if I am excited about what I am working on, inspired and truly feeling creative, then I am on the right track.
Tomorrow I will finish this painting, and it will be better for it.