Secret Garden Series – #4 PEACOCK

It’s soooo hot!!!!

I’m finding it hard to focus! I told myself I was making a set of 8 paintings about a fantasy garden and here I sit only just completing #4. I’d say I’m crawling… at least that is how I feel. I thought about this for a moment. For the past two weeks, I have slightly dreaded showing up to the canvas. Why is that? The easy answer is that I am a Gemini personality with ADHD tendencies, but a little deeper, I think it might be all the detail. These paintings are so loaded with detail, it’s like painting 17 different paintings within one. Because of this, I don’t get that instant gratification of making serious headway. The painting can look the same for many days. Boo. I like fireworks and race cars!

With this said, in times like this, I refer back to one of my all time favorite films “Field of Dreams”. I whisper to myself “…go the distance” and “If you build it, they will come…” The film was about building a baseball field, but really, the message is about having BLIND faith. Even when you don’t know the outcome, what your doing or why, listen to that little inner voice and JUST DO IT. Boy, That film came out in 1989. That was a while ago. I’m kind of laughing because apparently I have been whispering “go the distance” to my self for like 31 years. When do all of my dreams come to fruition???

Over and Over I am realizing that when these big 18″ x 24″ watercolors are completed, it’s the little vignettes that I love. For instance, my favorite parts of the peacock painting are these:

They don’t feel as overtly planned as the larger composition, yet I could have never created the ease of the animals location without the heavy planning of the larger composition. I’m calling these little vignettes “moments”. So after I finish the 8th painting in this series, I want to move to working at the smaller size of 16″ x 20″, have fewer subject matter and try to create “moments”. I just don’t know why simplicity is so elusive to me!

Here are the smaller 8″x10″ and 5″x7″ watercolor studies up against the large final painting:

I like viewing the evolution. This concept changed a lot, yet you can see small details like a butterfly passing by which made it to the final draft.

I almost forgot! Here are some details. Each of the 8 paintings will have a Latin phrase within it. For this painting, the phrase is “FORTIS FORTUNA ADIUVAT” which translates to “Fortune favors the bold”. I love that. Life’s too short. Be bold man. Be bold! There’s also a bunch of items hidden in the garden. For this painting be on the look-out for: a frog, an Egyptian ankh, a cairn, an infinity symbol, an umbrella, a letter, a monarch, a queen chess piece, a gold finch feather and the number thirteen.

I keep this visual on my computer. Like a kid putting a star sticker on the refrigerator, I get to add another visual to my completion poster. Ahh, that feels good!

Because I’m suffering from a little summer brain-drain, I am going to pause the button on this series. Just for a week or two. I am craving a new painting to put over my fireplace mantle and I have some amazing photographs from my vacation on Block Island that I’d like to play with. I’m going to flip to acrylic paints and canvas which will disorient my brain. I hope the disorientation can act as a small mental vacation. That way I can come back to this series refreshed and ready to start #5.

Amen. Aint no rest for the painting weary!

Secret Garden Series – #3 RABBIT

Secret Garden Series -Rabbit, watercolor 18″ x 24″

I am totally celebrating the completion of this painting!  I don’t know if it’s the hundred little details within the painting which are all mini paintings in themselves, the pandemic, going out to protest or helping my kids finish up school, but this painting was so hard to complete!

I think many people look at painters and think “I just don’t get it?  Why are you so obsessed with throwing paint down?”   I have family members that are bewildered.  They wonder how I can complete a painting and within hours I am starting another one.  Well, of course the first answer to this is passion.  When a person is lucky enough to find something they feel passionate about, it’s not work.  It’s pure joy which means most likely you will want to do it over and over again.  But the second answer is more specific to my passion.  I think my giddiness and excitement comes from the idea of a blank slate.

Staring at a blank canvas is exhilarating.  Actually, it feels a little more like a panic, but in a good kind of way.  There is nothing there.  It’s very personal, because from nothing comes something.  I liken it to forcing yourself to jump off the high-diving board.  I take the same deep breathe, pick up the pencil, and I don’t allow myself to turn back.  Now if I am being honest, sometimes it takes me a few days.  Sometimes I walk around the desk.  Sometimes I sharpen over 30 pencils.  I organize my paints.  Maybe pay some bills.  Find weeding that is absolutely essential…

At first I felt really bad about this.  Guilty actually.  I felt like I was wasting valuable time and procrastinating.  But slowly, I am finally getting it.  It is part of the process.  Because if I look at those uneventful days a little more closely, I am actually working.  I am envisioning and dreaming up what will be in the foreground, background, left, right and center.  I am thinking about the mood, the color scheme and slowly collecting reference materials.  This process isn’t tangible.  It’s just me being silent doing what most likely looks like day dreaming. But eventually it manifests.  Like an exercise routine that I appreciate only after I can see it’s effects, I have to force myself to show up, paint and push on.

So the blank canvas is exhilarating, but the other high-point is the completion.  I think that’s why I love photographing the progression of a painting.  Because I get to sit there for a moment and take it in.  There was nothing there and now there is something there; Creation in it’s purest form.  From nothing comes something.  It’s what I love about gardening to.  I dig, cut and push around the earth and then from a baron space, comes life.  It could also be said for parenting too.  They all give me intense satisfaction from creating.

I can already see that working on this series is going to bring me to a different series of work.  For within each of these paintings, I am falling in love with smaller simpler studies.  I wouldn’t have ever found them unless they were part of something bigger, so I am incredibly thankful for all I am learning in every moment.  Needless to say, this little bird is my favorite part of the painting.

Oh boy, I’ve been going on and on and I haven’t discussed all the things I hid throughout the painting!

If you recall, months ago I thought up hundreds of small objects and symbols I wanted to hide within my secret garden. I had tiny pieces of paper everywhere.  I blindly divvied them up into 8 bundles and as I am sketching the painting, I task myself with figuring out where to put the objects.  It’s definitely the child in me.  I feel like the secrets are what keep someone coming back to look again.  And then, there’s always the why.  Why is that there?  To me, it fuels the imagination.

I wanted to strangle myself when I pulled out one of the pieces of paper and I had written Excalibur’s Sword.  Really Mary?  Do I know anything about swords? and where am I putting said sword without ruining my painting?  It’s kind of where it gets fun, because that in itself, is a puzzle I get to solve.  So  first thing to find is Excalibur’s Sword!

Here are some other things to find:  A Swallowtail caterpillar, a House Wren, a compass, snake-eyed dice, a snail, a key , a toy truck, a lock, a White Ermine Moth, a Scottish Thistle, a red apple, a Rumi book, and the Eye of Horus.

I also mentioned I am adding a Latin phrase to each painting.  The phrase for the rabbit painting is  “Non ducor duco”.  Which means I am not led, I lead.  I love this quote.  But  for laughs, I juxtaposed it with a pointing hand plaque which suggests leading one in a certain direction.  funny right?  Geek humor.

For the first time, I am really feeling good about my work.  I am feeling personally connected to the subject matter which gives me sense of purpose.  I can also see a path forward which makes me feel at ease.  I guess I could equate it to becoming comfortable in my own skin and owning my voice and vision.  Long time coming….Can I get an AMEN!!!

2nd Set of Secret Garden: Cats

 

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5×7 inch study for watercolor painting series.

Here is the comparison of the first attempts and my latest adaptation.   As you can see, this one hasn’t changed that much.  The concept is still the same, I’m just trying out different variables…

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It does seem that my sole focus has been on figuring out the setting.  Creating that background.  I like the new layout from the 5×7 drawing, so I will keep it but my next focus will be on really punching up foliage and flowers.  After all, this is supposed to be a secret GARDEN!

2nd Set of Secret Garden : Foxes

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For those of you not following my story, here it is.  As an artist, I decided to take on a year long project.  I’m titling it My Secret Garden Series.  Reason being, I’ve slowly deduced over many months and years that I have a great love of nature, gardening, animals, the mystical, the symbolic, color and fabric design.  How could I wrap them all into one project?  I came up with the concept of a secret garden where nothing has to necessarily be real. I could use my imagination.

For the past decade I have been painting still lives and landscapes based on real life. So this is a big leap for me.  I’m “making stuff up”.  The challenge is that the options are limitless.  I’m staring at a blank piece of paper.  What animals will I choose?  What flowers?  What architecture is in the background? Can I find a way to incorporate patterns?  What’s the story behind the image? 

The answer is I don’t know.  So I am slowing down and taking the time to answer the questions.

I like to paint large.  Generally no smaller than 24 x 36 inches.  This is because with watercolor, it allows each subject some space for me to really play with the water and paint.  You get more of those “happy accidents”.  So another challenge for me is that I am creating small thumbnail paintings.  My first painting attempts were 8×10 inches and now my second attempts are even smaller, 5×7 inches.  I could just do a ton of fast sketches in a sketchbook, but instead, I am taking my time, thinking things through and completing each little painting start to finish.

My thought is that it may be fun to sell them on Etsy when I’m done. The other idea I love is that they are telling a story.  With each attempt, I can see my thoughts and the changes occurring which will eventually lead me to my final paintings.  I’m creating a history.

OK. With all that out of the way, let’s start talking about my new secret garden studies and the changes I have made from the initial studies.  The picture below has my new sketch on the top and the initial sketch down below.

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I had absolutely no idea what to draw initially, so what came out – is what came out.  But after analyzing my original painting I thought to myself Mailboxes?  That isn’t too mysterious or secret-garden like.  I need to change the background.

For my second attempt I was very focused on changing the background.  And so I did.  What I see though, is in focusing so hard on changing that, I  completely forgot about the garden part.  So when I attempt a third round of sketches, I would like to have way more wild-life and vegetation and not so much focus on the “where”.  I feel like I got really “tight” in the second renderings, so I also need to focus in on loosening up my style for the third time around.

I wanted to address my self-critiquing.

  I hear from a lot of people that it makes them feel uncomfortable.  I guess the feeling is that I am being hard on myself and not appreciating the good that has come from my hands?  The word would be self-deprecation.  I just wanted to argue this is not my intention.  In art school we’d start every session over-analyzing each other’s work.  Artists thankfully are not robots, so nothing is perfect.  Considerations about line, composition, color and style are vital to improvement.  If my vase is lop-sided and that’s not on purpose, I’d thank some one for telling me.  Some days you just don’t see it.

Anyways, the reason I am blogging about my own analysis is not to throw a pity-party.  I want to share my thought process.  There are a hundred thoughts.  A hundred considerations.  Each artist comes at art making with different perspectives.  I’m simply trying to push myself harder and further.  You’d expect that from an athlete, so let it be ok for an artist too.  (It’s OK. I’m pretty tough.  I can take it ;)

For the next few days I will post my second attempts.  So stay tuned… Thanks!

2nd Draft of Sketches

Today I submit my second draft of sketches for my Secret Garden Series.  I love working large, which is quite an investment of time and resources, so with this project, I have slowed down to take the time to really have a strong idea of a layout before I go big.  Below is a comparison.  The painted images were my first attempt and their size is 8″ x 10″.  My second attempts are the sketches to the left.  Here I have begun to make changes to the initial ideas.  The ones to the left are slightly smaller.  They are 5″x7″ inches.

As you can see, I only kept two images rather the same.  That means I am happy with most of these images.  The other 6 sketches not so much.  They now have different backgrounds and animals switched from one sketch to the next.  I am currently painting these 5×7 sketches and as I do, I am synthesizing and already coming up with changes to the next concepts.  I shall finish them up and then share my findings.

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Squirrel and Peacock

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Here are the last two initial Secret Garden studies.

These two allowed me to work out some ideas, but ultimately, they did not make the cut.  In my latest sketches, the peacock got a really cool building behind it and the squirrel got paired with a rooster in a completely different scenario.

Ultimately, I keep asking the question, would I hang this on my own wall?  Then I go about answering it.  Apparently I am more of an illustrator than traditional art maker . Over and over again I find myself feeling the pictures are not complete because the don’t tell enough of a story.  When I get to my final renderings, I want the viewer to have to look around and wonder.  That will be when they feel right to me.

As I am finishing up the new sketches, I am answering my own questions.  These initial ideas were a wonderful stepping stone to get me to some stronger compositions.

I’ll share my new sketches tomorrow!

Duck and Raccoon

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Here are two more 8 x 10″ watercolor studies for the My Secret Garden series I am working on.

Neither of these made the cut. I liked the animals, but the backgrounds didn’t do anything.  One of them looks like the siding on the back of a house and the other is a door to the universe?  Plus, they are also too cute-sy.  I would much rather “mysterious”. 

Yeah, I have already made the changes necessary in the new sketches I am working up.  There will be a duck and a raccoon, but they will be in much different habitats :)

The Great Horned Owl

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Here is my first study. It’s of a Great Horned Owl. If you’re a nature lover and you’ve ever seen one, you’d know they are beautiful, graceful and quiet. Their eyes pierce right through you.

In yesterday’s blog post, I explained that before I start on my larger more serious paintings, I am going to create some little 8×10″ studies in order to work out the ideas I have rolling around in my head. This series will encompass all the things I love. I am choosing the animals I come in contact with here in New England. As fascinating and exotic as lions and tigers can be, they do not impact me the same way the small creatures in my local habitat do. One day I was riding my bike through the woods when an owl swooped down in front of me. I will never forget how spiritual this quiet interaction with a piece of nature impacted me. It was just the two of us staring at one another.

This painting is so little I cant fit it all in, but let me tell you the ideas I have for it. The building is based on some of the funky Victorians found in Providence, RI. I want to add a chandelier because it’s my fantasy garden, and of course I would have chandeliers! I chose a smooth green snake because their color is fabulous. I grow the Chinese lantern pods and somehow I felt them fitting here. It gives me an autumn-y vibe. There will also be some insects when the painting gets large enough to fit them in. I plan on adding a praying mantis. My neighbor raises them so I live with tons of them in my yard. I’m adding a green monarch butterfly chrysalis to represent metamorphosis. Plus, living by the ocean, the monarchs visit in droves during the fall as part of their migration to Mexico. Every autumn I look forward to their arrival. And here’s another fun feature I am planning. What looks like stars in the sky are really going to be fireflies. Sadly, I get very few in my yard these days, but this is my fantasy garden, so they will be welcome in great numbers!

The last thing I will discuss is my culmination of ideas. For so many years, I have painted what I see such as fruit, a beautiful flower bouquet, landscapes of places I’ve traveled. This is my first foray into conjuring images from my imagination. I mention this because how do you take a thought and translate it into 2-D? When you dream are you focusing on what people are wearing? what the sun angle is? What is in the background? For me – the answer is no! So taking an idea and putting it on paper takes baby steps. What is the duck standing on? What would gravity do to a flower? How about shadows? First, I have to figure out how to draw an owl before I can place something in front of it or behind it.

So that’s what I’m doing. Now I could have simply created thumbnail sketches. Fill sketchbook pages and work it out there. But I liked the idea of these tiny little paintings. I liked the idea of finishing each one even if I changed my idea on the concept half way through it. I’m working out color and composition. Plus new ideas spring up spontaneously during the process. When you draw an object over and over again, the lines become intimate. It gets easier the next time. It gets easier to manipulate the object. I think they call this muscle memory. It’s good stuff. so I’m giving myself permission to slow it down, think, pay attention and change my mind simultaneously.

We shall see where it takes me. Here’s to step one.

An Artist’s Journey -Creating My Own Fantasy

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For the next couple days I am going to share what I have been working on since September. The photo above shows the “concepts” for a painting series I am working towards. It is going to be a series of 8 large paintings called My Secret Garden.

This is a very big deal for me. For almost seven years now I have been floating and experimenting without direction. I’ve asked so many questions of myself: Who am I as an artist? What is my style? What do kind of art do I want to make? Who am I making it for? What is the message I want to communicate?

The universe is kind of cruel like that. The more important something is to you, the more time it takes to get to the answer. I’m not a very patient person, so this journey has been brutal.

I’ve dug deep.

When I first started on this personal journey, I did not have the answers. I’ve tried everything: quilting, polymer clay, jewelry, wood crafts, painting with acrylic, watercolor and goauche, printmaking, teaching, graphic design, and pottery to name a few. I haven’t been able to commit. I like them all yet I’ve always felt like I’ve been getting nowhere.

Seven years later. I’m feeling a bit older, more mature, I don’t know that I can sustain that crazy chaotic creative energy anymore. I’m tired. What took me so long to figure out is that I had to try everything and that this is ok. It’s the type of learner I am ; an experiential learner. I’m the kind of kid that has to touch the stove to learn what hot means. I can’t take anyone’s word for it –ever. I’ve beaten myself up for this because it has taken so much time, but in trying so many things I have figured out what feels right and what doesn’t.

Another concept that has plagued me is the for who? Do I paint subject matter that suits me? What does suit me? What do I like? Do I try to figure out what’s trending? What other people might want? Go where the money seems to be? I’ve spent so many hours trying to figure out the balance between my own personal interests and making others happy.

So this September my soul said ENOUGH. Time to answer the questions. You are ready.

The seed had been planted in this painting I had done in the spring:

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This painting came from my stream of consciousness. I started with one blackbird, then a flower, then another, then another. The painting isn’t of something real. It is a fantasy. It comes from my own world that contains the things I love. In painting this, the answers came.

I LOVE color.

I LOVE flowers and gardening.

I LOVE the animals I find in my backyard.

I do 100% what I LOVE because there in lies my uniqueness.

When I stop apologizing for such simple concepts, beautiful things begin to arise.

This September I felt the strongest sense of clarity I have ever experienced. I now can answer the question – what do I like. I decided to be as disciplined as possible and create a vision through art that represents my LOVEs.

The discipline part will come from the many stages. I usually paint something and never think about it again. For this project I am asking myself to research, sketch, try things out, analyze what works for me and what failed, and do it again.

My thought is to create these small 8×10’s (which I just completed). Analyze them. Try it again. Fix the colors. Fix the contrast. Fix the layout. Then I am going to do 8 more small studies again. In hopes of creating a stronger vision before I embark on 8 LARGE watercolor paintings. I won’t be done then, because when I am through with those, I am going to do the entire series again but in a more abstract style.

8-8×10’s studies

8-5×7’s studies

8- 20×24’s finals

8-16×20’s abstracts

That’s a doozy right?

What you will see through the coming months is the same concept -but in a metamorphosis. What I like will stay. What I hate will go. The end product should be as strong as I am currently capable and in my wake I will leave evidence of my process.

There are a few more things that I love which I will incorporate in the larger paintings as well. These small studies were just too small to add this type of detail. However, I also plan on incorporating my great LOVE of fabric and mysticism. I am fascinated with the symbols of all cultures and what they have come to mean. So, I plan on hiding intriguing things throughout the paintings.

This is a big undertaking for me. It is the journey I have created for myself. It’s the path I’m choosing to take and I actually have the answers. Boy does that feel good!

WATERCOLOR – BACKYARD ANIMALS – GARDEN FLOWERS – FABRIC – MYSTICISM

My other hope is to put on my big-girl-pants and try selling this work online. Through Etsy or something. In the past, I haven’t felt “good enough” or “ready”. But it stops here. It’s time. And hopefully after all of this work I plan on doing, my art will be something I am proud of and ready to share.

I hope so. Because on a soul level, it will be the first time I feel like I’m sharing a real piece of –well, –me.

The Secret Inner Workings of My Mind

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The chaos on this table is a reflection of what’s going on inside my head!

Getting something on paper is the hardest part for me.  Well, I should back up a bit.  I am making it harder on myself because I am trying to move from painting what exists (ie. still lives and landscapes) into creating my own concepts from my head.  Observation of that which is – is one thing.  Sit down with a blank piece of paper and create something from nothing –now that’s the big unknown.  The possibilities are endless.  Where do you begin?

Well for me, it takes some soul searching.  If you can make an image of anything, what does the artist choose?  You can go with what other people want, you can go with what’s trending in the industry or you can spend some time answering the question for –yourself.

I’ve spent that time.  I’ve tried all sorts of stuff.  Custom orders, reading about what sells, intuitive painting, traditional motifs…  They have all helped me get to know my likes and dislikes and what I naturally gravitate towards. So here’s my personal answer:

Flowers – because I love gardening and am enamored with nature.

Animals – and quite particularly the everyday variety I get to commune with in my yard and region.

Spirituality – I am fascinated with mysticism, trying to figure out why I am here and the secrets of the universe.

I know these to be my truth and near & dear to my heart because if I wasn’t creating art, the three items above would still be what I’d be doing.  I’m an avid gardener, animal watcher and spiritual book reader.

These three things may sound cliche. And there in lies my resistance to them. As a quote “ARTIST” I was trying to search deeper and darker and more strenuously to find the “PROFOUND” answer.  But I’ve learned,  I’m never going to be that artist that throws my bodily fluids on a canvas and equates them to the inner struggles of humanity.  Apparently I aint got that kind of talent ;)   I am an environmentalist and soul searcher, so in a gentle way I will try to shake the world.  My art will be a reflection of what I love in hopes of connecting with other people who share the same loves.  Boy that sounds so neat and tidy.  So why did it take me 7 years to answer the question???  I guess because some of us are experiential learners.  We can’t take anyone’s word for it.  We have to explore both good and bad until we can know it for ourselves.  Yes.  I was the kid that had to touch the stove to learn what hot meant!

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OK. so as an artist, I never share this part.  It’s the part where I work out my ideas.  It’s looks kind of ugly. It’s awkward and a bit embarrassing.  Most of us would rather surface a few steps down the line when the idea has taken better shape.  But what the hell is an art blog for if your not talking about the miserable parts of art too right?

For this 6 painting series, I decided I am going to work large which is about 20″ x 24″ for me.  It’s most likely going to be a combo of watercolor and gouache.  I want to have tons of flowers kind of like this past painting I did:__2019-05-08 09.31.15b

I want to add animals, mostly backyard animals.  And for the mystical part, I am going to make the backdrop a “Secret Garden”.  What the hell is a secret garden?  I have absolutely no clue.  That’s the part I have to create in my mind.  I realize the answer comes from imagining.  Imagining what it is I would actually want in my own fantasy garden.  That’s where the fun lies, but it’s also where the stress lies because I don’t have the answer to that!  I have to try a million things until they “speak” to me.

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So, being a visual person.  I cut up a bunch of 2 inch pieces of paper and I make a quick image of every darn thing I can think of that could fall into the categories I’ve laid out (Seriously there are probably a hundred tiny drawings in my envelope).  Sometimes I print out little reference images as well.  I mean who really knows what an owl talon looks like?  I take all the pieces of paper and I sit on the floor and mix and match them until a story emerges.  It’s like an intuition session.  From there I move to 8 x 10 pieces of watercolor paper.  I am working on creating a cohesive image.

Now  here is where I have never really gone before.  This next step I am asking of myself is to force myself to do at least 3- 8 x 10’s of each concept so that I really push myself to improve on the composition and relevance of every object.  I have such fast energy  which causes me to have such a short attention span that it makes this a REALLY BIG CHALLENGE.  I need to slow down, focus, stay with a subject matter for a while.  I cannot allow myself to move on… or fall down some more rabbit holes.  I need to stick with this and push myself to go further in my art.

There is something  I don’t really like that happens to me when I try to work-out an idea from my imagination.  I become like this technical illustrator.  Everything that comes to mind becomes literal. The free-wheeling, fun, colorful Mary seems to disappear and this downer technical artist comes out to play.  No offense, but that illustrator part of me is a real drag.  Blech.  

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Here is a great example of this.  This little painting came from my watercolor class I teach.  It’s from the first class of the session where I try to get all the artists to loosen up, play with the paint and not worry so much about the subject matter.

I PERSONALLY LOVE THIS PAINTING.  I mean we could go on for quite a bit about what’s wrong with it, but let me tell you what’s right.  It’s free-spirited, cheery and has a fabulous use of color.  Now look at these drawings below:

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Everything is in it’s place, but there isn’t any spontaneity.  It’s like so what, there’s an owl.  Oh that’s nice, there’s a rabbit….  Now I get it, how else was I supposed to get an animal, a floral arrangement and garden elements all into a 4 inch piece of paper?  The thing is, most of the time I wouldn’t have even made this sketch, I’d just start with a 20 x 24 piece of paper. I’d sketch out the design and paint the first thing that flowed from my pencil.  There would not be room for me to mess with the objects, play with the composition or color and I wouldn’t get to loosen up at all. I would finish at the 2nd dimension instead of extracting the concept to a 4th or 5th dimension.  Does this make sense?  This is all the stuff that’s been swirling around in my head.  Most people who are not into art-making are like “that’s nice”….yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah go paint your pretty picture…. I guess it would be like trying to explain to me how nuclear fission works…. (please don’t try to explain to me how nuclear fission works :)

I mention this because if I am to share what I am going to be working on for the next couple of months, I want to warn you in advance that it might look like the same paintings over and over again.  It will definitely look like that to the outside world.  But inside, I am hoping to work and rework my concepts until I refine them into something entirely different then what you see on these scraps of paper.

I’m nervous. It’s scary.  I feel awkward like a freshman.  I want to bail and find something else safer to do. I am snacking, weeding, blogging. Doing everything I can to distance myself from the work.

But, I also know this is the process. And, for every detour I take, I do come back.  I do sit down.  Hell, I already have my first sketches completed!  The canvas is no longer blank.

It’s exactly the way it should be and I’m ready to get back to it!